


Lucky Escape, Bittersweet Memories.

by lostinthesounds



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Bellarke, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-06
Updated: 2018-07-06
Packaged: 2019-06-01 12:50:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,176
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15143441
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lostinthesounds/pseuds/lostinthesounds
Summary: What if Clarke didn’t tell Bellamy she was leaving Wonkru territory with Madi, until after she left? {or post 5x06 with alternate ending and author’s spin}





	Lucky Escape, Bittersweet Memories.

**Author's Note:**

> This fic was supposed to be uploaded on Tuesday, to make up for the lack of episode this week. But now it’s Friday and I’m finally done with it. I’m still thinking about 5x08, like every other day. It’s kinda an obsession, but hopefully my new story helps you guys prepare for 5x09 and our future possible angst. Enjoy! :)

Madi shifts in her bed, alert to the sounds of crinkling rations and a handgun being loaded, but her brown eyes land on Clarke who’s frantic.  

“What’s wrong?” 

Clarke doesn’t look up, she can’t feel anything besides fear as she still in the process of stuffing her backpack with necessities. “We can’t stay here, we’re getting the rover and leaving as soon as I’m done packing” 

Madi is shocked then, knowing she had plans to meet with Octavia in the morning but also obeying her mother figure so she mumbles on her words. 

“No-No Clarke-“ Madi shoves the covers off her small frame, standing up to face the older woman. 

Clarke is stern, fierce when they lock eyes and Madi doesn’t know how to react. “ _Please_ don’t question me right now Madi, this is for your own good.” 

Her tone is final, and Madi goes silent for a few seconds. She’s watching as ration packs are thrown into side pockets, and their extra clothes are set aside with a familiar handgun placed at the bottom of the bag. Why would they leave when there’s protection from the sky people? 

Madi heard Clarke mumble something along the lines of “you should’ve never left the Valley-“ her eyes glance softly to her little one, “that was our home.” 

“I did it to protect you!” Madi exclaims, but Clarke grabs a quick hold of her shoulders and steadies her in place. 

“Now, we’re stuck in a war that I can’t promise to keep you safe in. Octavia is too dangerous to us, Madi. You have to understand that...” She’s never seen Clarke so protective and sincere, but the reality of it all was hitting her deeply. 

“She could still be the girl from your stories” Madi tried to argue, because she shamelessly wanted more people to be around after her’s were burned alive six years ago. 

Clarke lowers her voice in a startling wave of anger, quick and sudden for the both of them to handle. 

“That’s exactly what they are, stories, Madi. It’s all fake, she changed and I was trying to protect you from the truth. She may of been a strong warrior, but now she’s a ruthless leader who _will_ hurt us if we intimidate her” Clarke can’t help but be emotional, wanting to reunite with the people who meant so much to her but getting hit in the face with people she can’t recognize. 

“She was your friend? Bellamy’s sister? The man who you’ve told me so many stories about? What about him?” Madi questions, knowing their relationship was strong. 

“We’re not telling him Madi, Bellamy doesn’t need to know we’re leaving because he has other priorities that aren’t myself, not _us.”_ Clarke painfully admits, it was hard to accept a few days ago but seeing him with a woman so in love, was even harder to swallow. 

She goes back to throwing useless items in the bag, leaving Madi alone with her thoughts but then she reacts. She can’t begin to stop, her mind racing along with her two feet. 

Clarke immediately hears the tent flap open and sees Madi start to run away, and she’s just as fast only with a sigh passing her lips.

“Madi!” She calls, only to see her heading towards Bellamy. The one she’s trying to avoid, and it makes her nervous. 

She’s able to reach the two before Madi starts to speak, luckily Clarke has a faster reflex around him. 

“I told you not to run off to strangers-“ 

Somehow, it makes Bellamy tense and his eyes widen to try and find her’s frantically for an explanation because they definitely aren’t strangers. 

Clarke keeps that fake smile on her face, her mouth tensing with the pain behind the mask of emotions but trying to make it believable. “Sorry Bellamy, I guess she wanted to talk to you.” 

His full name coming from her throat, makes her head spin because she hasn’t been accustomed to his real presence since he’s been back. 

Both adults look down to Madi, Clarke’s hand set on her shoulder and Bellamy’s gaze softens as he looks at the little girl. 

“I-I don’t have anything to say anymore...it slipped my mind.” Madi knew too well what she was gonna say to him, to make Bellamy persuade Clarke to stay for him. However, she feels Clarke’s hold loosen and she knows it’s all okay now. She had to lie right then, to make herself feel better. 

Bellamy nods softly, twirling nonsense with his fingers as he can’t stop looking at a worried Clarke. 

“Anything you have to say? You came running like I was gonna _hurt_ her, Clarke?”

He turns his attention to his old partner, feeling something swell in his heart when she doesn’t wanna look at him at all. The breeze filled the invisible barrier between the two, and he hates feeling this way. 

It’s hard to not stare, but the feeling of regret was starting to pour down into her veins.

There’s a plan she made up, and she needs to stick with it.

“Wonkru is dangerous, and I didn’t know who she was running to.” She says simply, like he was actually a stranger to her. Maybe it would’ve been better between them, if there wasn’t history and pages filled of their story together. 

“Well, I guess it’s a good thing Echo is defecting because soon there won’t be any danger for us, _for_ Madi.” Bellamy decides, a hand reaches down to rub Madi’s left shoulder for her own comfort and reassurance. He has a soft spot for a bad ass child, always have. 

Tension, that’s all they are. 

“Let’s go back to the tent and get some sleep Madi, we should let Bellamy get some rest” Clarke finally asks, wanting to desperately get away from him. She’s a magnet to his presence, and she can’t retract without force. She needs to be away from him, before she does anything stupid. 

The small girl nods her head with a hint of sadness in her aura, Bellamy lets the words of **_stay_** die on the tip of his tongue and he let’s himself stay frozen when he watches them leave. 

Both of their minds filled with the thoughts of where they went wrong, and if time was really the problem. 

They never got the concept of time right even if he was in space and she was alone, nothing felt like it worked out for the two. It crushed Bellamy, but for Clarke....she felt like she had been run over by the same rover that he used and hadn’t been in since he got launched out of a flaming planet. 

            »»————-　　————-««

”Whatever you hear on that _thing_ , don’t pick it up until we get back home.” 

Clarke demands, her fingers wrapping around the steering wheel of the rover as Madi gets situated in the backseat. She speaks of the radio, like it killed pieces of her soul and doesn’t want anything to do with it. Which is true, but Madi doesn’t need to know what Clarke talked about in her own personal time. 

Madi is strong, but she’ll cave just like Clarke if she hears Bellamy’s voice. 

The bookbag was placed in the passenger side, neatly set like she wasn’t planning to escape her problems. This was all to protect Madi, but a part of her wishes that was the only reason. 

Bellamy, she needs to escape him. She needs to escape her feelings and the everlasting pain she’d already feel when he does find out that she left. 

It gives her a span of five hours until he did, and it scares her with every passing second. He wasn’t a heavy sleeper during the first year on the ground, so she’d wonder if he ever fixed his sleeping schedule on the Ark. 

It was a thought for another day, she decides. 

Her feet get the familiar feeling of stepping on the gas and break pedals since she’d done it almost a thousand times. 

Madi has a sad frown on her face when Clarke looks in the rear view mirror to see if anyone followed them, and it sours her mood instantly. After years of trying to protect her from the harsh new reality of survival, it was hard for the both of them to adapt to Clarke’s old life. 

Luckily, Octavia haven’t packed the worms into the rover yet. That plan was to be executed in the morning, and she knows Madi was thinking about seeing her. 

She wasn’t dumb. 

Madi never fought a war, but the thought of one becoming so close was enough to excite her since her people were so peaceful, that she remembers feeling so different. 

“Madi, I’m sorry that it had to come to this-“ Clarke says softly, turning into the woman that her little girl always knew. 

Their eyes meet in the mirror, and it’s a mask of mixed emotions for the both of them.

_They don’t have a lot of time_

”Just remember I’m doing this for us, and Octavia won’t help you but hurt you if you ever became Wonkru, okay?” 

Madi nods, setting her jacket aside because she was only allowed to bring whatever she could carry. Not like, it was a lot since Eden was still her home. 

“Get some sleep Mads, we’ll be there in the morning and we’d figure out what to do with Diyoza.” Clarke finishes, setting the car in gear and cursing to herself when it makes more noise than she expected. 

“The woman who tried to kill you?” 

“That’s the one...” Clarke decides to turn around to rub Madi’s knee gently, motherly. “Remember this as one of our adventures...” she pauses “We need peace this time, so this is how we get it” 

She even forgot that Charmaine Diyoza, leader of the Eliguis people, her supposed enemy is waiting for her when she arrives. 

                     »»————-

Clarke is a fourth of the way to Eden when she begins to admire the dust in the air, the sand that whirls around slightly. It makes the moonlight look that much more beautiful against the glass, that she feels the need to slip her fingers through the bars in the side windows to feel the cool air against her hand. 

Her world was dust, sand, and berries. 

This was her life for six years, and it was nice. But it wasn’t what she wanted, because she didn’t have her people and friends, Bellamy. So she did the next closest thing and made Madi her only person. 

They were lucky, proving that it finally worked in her favor. It wasn’t so bad, the guilt that Clarke feels. It hasn’t hit her yet that she’s leaving Bellamy Blake for the third time in her life, and how he has no clue. 

Although, she’s certain that his only thought is _Spacekru_ ; what she’s heard Monty call their tight unit. She can’t ignore the air kicked from her lungs when her old friends say how life was better without her. 

It really hurt. 

But somehow, she knew it doesn’t compare to the mind shattering realization of the voice speaking on the radio, it was blasting. 

“Clarke?” It asks, it was deep and concerning. 

_Her mouth shuts, lips turned flatlined._

“Where the hell are you?” 

 _Maybe, just maybe she swallowed some sand in the air that it’s preventing her from speaking. It’s Bellamy. She knows._  

He knows.

 ; her lips are biting so hard that Clarke doesn’t know if she’s crying already or she’s starting to regret everything. 

She looks out the window for the quick second that static fills the air, and it’s still dark. It couldn’t be past one in the morning, and she knows he didn’t bother sleeping in peace either. 

He speaks again. 

“This must be some sick joke, and if I return to your tent that you’d jump out at me like a child-“ Bellamy’s desperate at this point. His mind is so rattled with emotions and betrayal, and it’s like he’s back to the time he was twenty three and a memory of her lips on his cheek.

He grips the bunker radio even tighter. 

Being a simple man, he thought returning to Clarke’s tent with a blanket from his own makeshift cot would make the tension less defeating. He’d survive a cold night, if he meant that she’d be warm with a child at her side. 

He saw nothing, and he doesn’t remember what happened first. 

The denial seeping through his mumbling or the automatic check of bodies under a flat bedsheet. 

The answer could possibly be both at once, but Bellamy couldn’t believe it. 

Luckily, since Clarke had just repaired Octavia from her worm bite, the bunker radio was still inside her tent. 

That’s where he was, sitting with the blanket clutched in his trembling fingers thinking that he lost her again. 

“Don’t do this to me Clarke, I know you could hear me.” He demands, voice rough and shaky. 

She declares that this Bellamy scares her a lot more, the vulnerable side she hasn’t seen in years. 

Clarke stops the rover, her hands trying to free themselves of the sudden numbness where she can’t feel anything but her brain pounding. 

Her hand reaches for the car radio, the remote feels so normal. It’s the same one she used to call him, to call Bellamy. 

It feels like a part of her body, her soul because her soul was divided into Bellamy’s body and mind. 

She takes a deep breath, yet sure enough it didn’t give her the full courage she needed to talk to him. But, she tries. 

She tries to make him understand. 

“I can’t be there” simple, but then it’s not enough to even convince herself. “-not when I have Madi” 

Bellamy feels a sigh pass his lips and it’s uncalled for and sudden. 

“What’s that supposed to mean, _huh_? Having Octavia never stopped me from living on the Ark-“ 

Clarke feels her skin crawl, anger rising by the soft breeze hitting her face.  

“Raising Octavia was the only thing you knew when we reached the ground, you’d die for her.” She knows it’s the truth, and it hurts him more so. 

Bellamy’s eyes glass with tears, a shining of emotions he can’t describe but only be numb to feel. 

“Things are different now, she’s not the same girl I raised, dedicated my whole life to. We both know that, Clarke!” He doesn’t stop his voice from getting louder. 

“Why do you think I’m running away Bellamy? I’m doing this to protect my family because Madi is the only thing I’ve had for six years!” Clarke’s hands are tingling, her eyes motioning to the girl squirming in the backseat because she didn’t exactly keep her voice down either. 

“Where are you going?,” he pauses to try a better approach, something more gentle. “ _What_ are you doing?”

He asks, afraid to know but he’s so determined to find out. Maybe, his legs could carry him that far. 

“Bell,” She starts off, already feeling the tears well in her throat because she’s prevented herself from calling him that fatal nickname that nearly kills her. 

“I’m going to Eden, getting my home back and making a deal with Diyoza to stay there.” Clarke says, a strong will to survive shows. 

It goes silent, the radio nothing but static until she faintly hears the heavy breathing and fingers tapping of the man on the other side. 

“You could die out there, by yourself”

”it certainly wouldn’t be the first time and I’m prepared, I brought my pistol Bellamy. This _Princess_ could protect herself.” A short giggle at the end, to distract her from the context of it all. 

Clarke doesn’t know why she says it but it happened so she can’t erase it. Maybe the familiarity of using a name he used to tease her with, could bring her back to him. It only made her heart grow sorrow and pain, so she stops herself and admits her strength.  

Bellamy replies, “This isn’t about me wanting to protect you, it’s about you choosing to run away. Escape your problems with Octavia wanting Madi, and isolating yourself from us.” 

He thinks he had it all figured out, that the storm was calm and collective. 

Clarke just happens to prove him wrong and chose her words carefully. 

“Us? I’m sure you mean our friends who you were in space with? I’m not the one isolating myself, I missed you guys for six years! I was the one that _called_ you for six years, for 2,199 days. I held onto what I knew about each of you, and you come back to me finally. A year late, may I _fucking_ add. I think you should talk to them and make them wanna talk to me because I’m doing nothing wrong. It’s my fault for caring so much about you because-“ Clarke stops, the rush of tears are falling into her cheeks and down her neck because she can’t stop it and she can’t wipe them fast enough. “B-Because I’m dead to all of you and Bellamy, you even said it yourself. Life was better without me....” 

Bellamy doesn’t know what to say, what to do to make her feel different because that’s not the case at all. He was the one who still remembered her after six years and it’s shameful how he lost hope so fast. 

He wanted a life with her, not without. 

So there Clarke was, sobbing because Bellamy didn’t want her around and she spent six years loving someone who wasn’t dead, but alive and breathing and kissing another woman. 

Oh, what she’d do to go back in time and tell him everything in that damned lab. 

“Clarke,” Bellamy says softly, trying to reel her to his voice through the static. 

Clarke can’t even be upset anymore so she replies instantly with a carefree attitude. “What?” 

“What do I have to do to get you to turn that rover around and come back?” It’s utterly personal at this point, him wanting her to come back to bunker territory and console her. 

“Let me leave, _please_ ” Clarke pleads, exhausted with the conversation and tired of the daze he puts her in. 

His lips shake so he licks them, “I don’t want you to.” 

It’s too far into their own hearts, their own experiences and feelings that Bellamy can’t dig himself out of. 

However, Clarke feels herself starting to sink. She can’t handle her emotions for him, but her fingers wrap tighter around the radio remote as if she could forget she was holding it. 

“I need to go home Bellamy, Octavia is dangerous and it’s not safe for Madi.” 

She switches the attention to hopefully avoid what he just said, but it doesn’t work like that anymore. Although, her words sound firm and true. 

“We both know the lengths I’d go to protect you, especially a child. You don’t have to do this, we’d figure something out” He begs, the delicate voice he uses is no match to his white and cramping knuckles that are holding onto the blanket he was supposed to give her. 

Clarke thinks she can’t go back, she’s in so much emotional pain that it’s hard to breath when her heart feels like it’s gonna explode. He used to protect her, do anything to ensure their survival together. She was the head, as he the heart and it seemed perfect. 

The implication of death on both their shoulders, heavy and unforgettable. 

The love that grew, was just that and stronger as their distance grew. 

62 miles between the Earth’s surface and Space, and the stars couldn’t tell their stories of longing and memories. It certainly couldn’t tell Bellamy that Clarke was alive, and she wonders what it would’ve been like if he did know. 

“Bellamy, just worry about your sister and I’ll do this on my own. You just got her back and she needs you to be sane and not a total maniac” Clarke tries to be nice, shutting her eyes painfully as they burn with tears. 

She doesn’t expect to hear him let out a few sobs of tears, letting his walls break down for the one person who could take a sledgehammer and tear it all to the floor. 

“I just got you back Clarke,” he doesn’t and won’t stop himself this time. “I can’t worry about Octavia, Echo, Monty or anyone else if every thought of mine right now is about you and how you’re in that, _my_ rover driving away.” 

It took her breath away, knowing that he doesn’t care about anything else but her in that moment. Perhaps, it’s selfish but she laughs. 

“It’s been mine for longer, sorry there was no cars in space.” The bittersweet tone of her voice, made her bite her lips and lay a hand on the dashboard. 

She could hear and practically hear him smile, no matter how soft it was. 

“There wasn’t a lot of things up there, but we made do with whatever survived....like those jail cells.” 

It snaps something in her mind, the memory of her being seventeen, scared and alone with just a three centimeter piece of chalk and the metal floorboards. 

She wipes at her face, in awe of how those endless halls of punishment still stayed intact. “You find mine?” 

“How could I not of found it? The only cell that cared enough to be decorated and it smelled of charcoal.” He praises, and she wonders. 

“I missed that place, I can’t believe how much I wished to be up there with you all. It was calmer than having to deal with a hundred other kids my age and killing people” Clarke admits, closing her eyes softly this time to reminisce. 

Bellamy shuts his mouth, knowing she was tilting to her breaking point to possibly coming back so he can’t tip her back over. He knows life wasn’t as good for himself or Octavia, but he made sure his sister was fed and smiling. That’s enough, he thought. 

He’s soft when he speaks to her, “Listen, whatever my sister turned into...I don’t know who she is anymore. You, out of all people were able to understand who she was to me and I need you. We all need you, so I’m sorry if the others didn’t appreciate your effort because I never shut up about you but life wasn’t better without you. It took me a while to even consider my life tolerable after I got over you.” 

She doesn’t know if he means what she thinks he means, but her heart won’t stop pounding in her chest. Clarke hears rustling in the back seat, and then she feels hands grip onto the shoulder’s of her own seat and pull themselves up. 

Madi’s awake, and probably ease dropping if Clarke knew her well enough. 

“Why’d we stop?” Madi asks, and Clarke shushes her before she could ask questions on why there was dry tears down her cheeks. 

“You know I can’t go back, Bellamy....I can’t face Octavia after taking Madi and my mother needs me” She really tried to push her every instinct to go back to him and confide in his warmth and being. 

She thinks to how her own mother volunteered to help Eliguis with their sickness, and two doctors are better than one. 

Madi shakes her head, wanting Clarke to choose happiness over authority. She doesn’t get her attention, she speaks in the radio once more. 

“We have different paths now Bellamy, and I have to do this for someone I care about deeply. I’ll even meet up with Raven and Echo for you” Clarke implies, to get him leeching away and just saying their names was enough to feel the punch in the gut again. 

He needs to know his family is okay, and Clarke’s willing to agree to helping him know. 

Bellamy tugs at the ends of his jacket while he pulls at its loose strings. 

“Be careful, and I’m getting over there as soon as I can.” He finally declares, and a weight lifts from her shoulder because he’s done fighting, yelling, and thinking about their past. He’s not giving up, but giving her a chance.

“I always am.” Clarke says, a glint in her eyes present as the moonlight hits her for confirmation. 

She sets the radio remote down gently next to her, only to hear him call her name quickly. Madi jumps behind her, naturally being excited. 

“Clarke?” 

“Yeah?” She gets her hopes up way too often these days. 

“Wait for me before you do anything serious, would you?” He asks, and it’s like everything clicked. 

“No promises,” Clarke sighs but with a smile adorning her lips, because who would her head be without her heart.

It’s personal, terrifying, alarming and heartaching with the way his mouth turned into a full out grin after he released the call button. She knows, and now so does he. 


End file.
